That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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