Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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