There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
