I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
