Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
