I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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