After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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