Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
