sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
