weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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