anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
