What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
