i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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