I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
