You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
