If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
