I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
