it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Randomize
