dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
