my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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