I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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