Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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