he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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