Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
