I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Randomize
