I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize