the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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