I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
