just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
