hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
