I love black thongs
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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