so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
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