I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
