i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
