remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
