My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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