Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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