I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
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