Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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