If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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