she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
