i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
