I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize