420 ftw
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize