i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
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