Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just forgot I was standing up.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
