I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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