Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
i think im in europe. pls send help
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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