What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
