i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
