I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize