Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
