i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
