What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize