I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
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