ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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