i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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