I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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