I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
