Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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