Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Randomize
