ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
