I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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