dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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