I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
